Have you ever heard the joke about the guy, when asked how often he told his wife that he loved her, said, “I told her on the day we married, and nothing has changed,” the implication being “so why should I say it again?”
It’s not really very funny, is it? We like to hear from our husbands that they love us over and over again, don’t we? Not only that, but we like to be shown that love through their actions.
In the same way, our husbands need to see that they are important to us. We need to look for ways through which we can communicate that to them. I think also it’s a way of showing our respect for them.
In my last post, I discussed the importance of making your husband a top priority (second only to the Lord). The following are some ways I’ve learned to demonstrate to my husband how important he is to me.
Keep the spark in your marriage.
Having a healthy sex life is especially important to having a happy husband. (My husband said this point should be the first. Get my drift?)
With all that we women do during the day, come bedtime, much of the time we just want to crash, right? However, sometimes our husbands have other ideas. Participation in what he has in mind takes energy that you may not have.
So, what do you do? Feign a headache? Participate half-heartedly? Have a bad attitude? I went through a time when I was overwhelmed by small children and resented my husband’s advances. I felt like it was just one more demand that was being made on me, and I was already exhausted!
I learned that I could take care of his needs with less energy necessary on my part but still show my love to him. Then he was happy, and I was happy.
Talk openly and honestly with your husband about ways to meet his needs. I have a feeling most husbands wouldn’t mind having this discussion. 😉
Keep in mind that YOU are the only one who can do this!
Know and speak in your husband’s love language.
I think this area is second in importance.
Gary Chapman in his book, “The Five Love Languages,” explains that we all give and receive love differently, in what he calls love languages. The languages that Dr. Chapman discusses are gifts, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and words of affirmation.
We tend to give love the way we want to receive it; that doesn’t always hit the mark for the other person. Let’s say, for example, your husband’s love language is gifts, so he tries to communicate his love to you buying you flowers and other presents. Yours, however, is quality time. His gifts make you feel like he’s trying to buy your affection, when what you really want is his full attention when you are trying to talk to him.
It is important to read the book, not just look through the list of love languages and pick your favorites. It takes some thought to really understand you and your spouse. Then make some changes accordingly.
I am out of space but not out of ideas. I will share with you some others in my next post.
While you are waiting for the other ideas, consider these two most important ones. Ask yourself the following questions:
- How is our sex life? What could I do to make it better? What should I change to better please my husband?
- What is my husband’s love language? How can I better communicate my love to him in a way he will better grasp how much I care for him?
Ouch! Lyndsay that hurt. Adam’s love language is service. And I’m SO lazy. Sigh. So many things to work on.
Hey, Rebecca! Thanks for being so transparent! They say that the first step toward fixing a problem is realizing there is one. So see, you’re already headed in the right direction!
You say you have so many things to work on; it’s easy to become overwhelmed and feel like you’re beat even before you get started, yes? My suggestion is ask God to show you (and/or ask your husband) which one thing you should work on first. Don’t try to change everything all at once. Do you know how to eat on elephant? One bite at a time. Let me know how it goes!